Due to"What's-His-Name"

I knew that sense. It ran and hid far into the crowd, getting smothered by the famous thoughts in my head that always make the front page of my mind. This one was whispering to me. Finally, I know what it was saying. It’s amazing how a picture can bring all those feelings, senses, and emotions back in an instant. I can hear the memory screaming now. It reminded me of the brisk, cool air of fall and how it surrounded me along with his close embrace, guarding me from the violent breeze. This feeling, which only lasted one, insignificant weekend, keeps playing over in my thoughts. Maybe that carelessness of being so open is haunting me, although I was cautiously careless. I let it happen because I was completely aware it would end instantaneously. I should stop being so scared, stop planning when I can let go. It felt like bliss being overtaken by happiness and a bittersweet touch. Why wouldn't I want that. My subconscience stops me. Being wanted brings me back to that temporary feeling of contentment I always chase that lets me down. Yes, I did come to find out it wasn’t genuine, but how I felt at that time is what plays over and over again. Instead of being scared of the outcome, I need to be excited for the everlasting feeling. In this case, the everlasting feeling of the cool breeze leaves me with so much pleasure. Maybe this is where my infatuation with fall comes from. It brings me to love. Who it is, doesn’t matter. Love is a feeling, and that is all that remains. What is his name, I don’t know, but I do know whoever he is made me love autumn!

My About Me.

Where am I from?
There are so many places, people, morals, and ideas I come from.
For a starter, I am from two beautiful people, my parents, who were and are madly in love. They are proof that true love is attainable; they give me hope.
Thanks to my parents, I have been blessed wit the opportunity to experience the unconditional love of God from an early age, which also gives me hope for a life of satisfaction no matter where I am in life.
With that I am from everything happens for a reason. Yes its cliché, but it’s true, and if one cliché wasn’t enough here’s another one, the truth shall set you free. They’re overplayed for a reason.
I am from the support I’ve gotten all my life to fulfill my greatest dreams and desires.
I am from compassion and patience; knowing that everyone makes mistakes.
I am from never holding grudges, because the mistakes those people did make were never worth wasting the time I could have had with them.
I am from respecting yourself because if you don’t, who will?
I am from keeping your focus forward because looking back could cause you to stumble and fall, losing sight of an amazing opportunity waiting for you not too far down the road.
Literally speaking, I am from Sussex County, a place where that road to opportunity seems infinitely long and completely impossible to find.
I am from this mindset that Sussex has nothing for me except the beauty and inspiration of nature, which could possibly be the reason why I am here to begin with.
I am from a continuous frustration of never finding anyone who really relates to me unless they live somewhere down that infinitely long road.
I am from a realization that there is nothing I can do about where I live so I’ve got to deal with it and stay positive.
I am from finally making my way out of this depression circumstances, due to this town, have brought me.
I am now from appreciation of my family, the loved ones I have been blessed with, instead of chasing a loved one that is not mine.
I am from knowing that my real significant other is my passion.
I am from laughter, whether it’s from my dad’s smart remarks, my mom’s tendency to mimic other people, my uncle’s sarcastic insults, or my brother laughing at all those things which just makes me laugh more.
I am from knowing it takes true struggle to finally be able to laugh with genuine happiness like my family.
I am from knowing without God’s help those people would be forcing a chuckle instead of uncontrollably laughing their asses off.
I am from trusting in God’s timing instead of mine; which gives me the peace I need to get through the negative.
I am from strength, peace, love, and struggle.
I am from here to the rest of my life.

Read Inside My Parantheses

Inside these parentheses, I found added detail and meaning. Inside these parentheses I’ve been educated. It’s like a secret inside, where reading between the lines lets you into the mind of a word. I guess words can be guarded too. Are they scared, self-conscious, or are they the perfect example of self-assurance? They can’t change their meaning just for the reader’s advantage. Their defiance to conformation challenges us; it forces us to read inside the parentheses. Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t read a word without looking deeper. The ones who skip over the parentheses will just push that word to the side like all the rest on the page. That reader will then push that phrase to the side, then that paragraph will be pushed, and than that story will be pushed into a library of insignificance. If one looked in those parentheses, that story could’ve been loved and admired. That wasn’t the ultimate plan. Another will journey into those parentheses and their life will be changed. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. In the end those meanings and details will be seen by the reader intended to discover inside the parentheses; the one who will tear down those walls protecting me from misinterpretation. I thought having a wall up was suffering of reservation, but maybe I just need someone to read inside my parentheses. Don’t skim over fate; read farther and find significance.

What is Beauty?

Lately I’ve been struggling with the issue of beauty. What exactly makes us beautiful? Is it what you wear, how you look, how you wear your hair, or is it completely on the inside and shines for everyone to see? I’ve always thought beauty was just different people’s opinion on what they like or prefer. Or maybe it’s just us judging ourselves, which leads to tremendous insecurities that shape and alter how you act. Maybe you did something that you’re ashamed of and you see yourself in a different light where you feel hideous. Considering all these things, what is beauty? Honestly, I think the best recognition of beauty to me is through the eyes of the beholder. Whether I want to accept it or not, the only way I’ll ever feel completely beautiful is when I’m trying to live right and better myself instead of trying to impress these temporary feelings of happiness that aren’t me. I chase only to get let down. Maybe living and being who I know I should be will finally break me out of that cocoon closet of mine where I rapidly search for the right look. Embrace the blessings you have and that peace and happiness will break the layered cocoon walls that hold you back. Only then will you see the true beauty of a butterfly, the beauty that continuously flutters in my heart just waiting to come out.